You know what you need? You need a jar of polished boogers!
This jar contains carefully hand-picked bogies that have been polished to perfection using the ancient technique of rolling them vigorously under the sweaty armpit of an hirsute man. Once polished to a light sheen they are then left to harden naturally in a musty hot-water cupboard. After a few months they are then gathered up and placed in jars.
Now this rare delicacy is being offered to you.
Don’t snooze or you will lose – order yours today!
Note: They may contain traces of jellybeans.